The only thing that would be funnier than these awkward "middle school" voicemails is if John Madden would have called Sterger and said that Favre has a 12-inch penis and is an absolute animal in bed.
Madden: Um Jenn? John Madden here, you gotta spend the night with Brett, BOOM! And this is what it's all about, BOOM here and a BOOM there, everywhere a BOOM BOOM. I'll even let you borrow the Madden cruiser so he can take you to Outback Steakhouse for some bloomin' onions. Then the cruiser will take you on a one-way nonstop trip to pound town, BOOM! If you want we can study some film of Brett making love, I have a few tapes, me and Pat Summerall used to get a nice boxed wine and sit in the press box and analyze his moves; he is quite impressive. It's like if a rabid wolverine mated with the sensual sounds of the Backstreet Boys, BOOM, that's what Brett Favre is all about. It's like he'll go left, then circle back, flip you upside down, spin this way, then that way, Brett will penetrate that line of scrimmage and BOOM! Oh yeah be careful, Brett Favre sperm can swim up to 60mph and impregnate every woman in a 3 block radius. You don't want a Brett Favre baby in your stomach, cuz BOOM! that baby can already throw a football with such velocity that it will explode through your stomach. When it is born it will already be wearing Real.Comfortable.Jeans.
I gotta go, I'm on my way to Ace, the helpful hardware place. Call me back.
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