Dallas 21 Houston 13
Well as I'm sure you heard on ESPN, Dallas NEEDED to win this game. Wade Phillips needed to win this game to have a job today. Are you trying to tell me that Jerry Jones wasn't ready to axe Phillips if they lost. Of course he was. Phillips is a patsy and has always been Jones' pawn. There are three guys that I could think of that are currently announcing games that Jones was ready to offer the reins of his team. Cowher and his awful chin-strap beard, the Survivor Jimmy Johnson, and ol' Chucky Gruden. You know Jones can't wait til one of those guys are ready to join him in Big D. I would even go as far as to say that if Dallas won the Super Bowl, and god help us all if they do it in their own stadium, that if Bill Cowher wanted the job, Jones would fire Phillips on the spot.
In honor of Johnson's island vacation, here is the best clip from Survivor history.
Baltimore 24 Cleveland 17
Suffice it to say, Baltimore's D is getting pretty old. They let a white running back, running for the Cleveland Browns get over 140 yards on the ground. Who even knew that white people were allowed to be running backs anymore. I assumed that once they reached college, they automatically became full backs or linebackers.
This always happens to me when I bet, I always run into someone who I can't beat. This year in college it has been UCLA. That reminds me, I'd like to thank Texas for their performance on Saturday. But for the last few seasons I have constantly bet against Seneca Wallace, but I constantly get burned like I was at a flea market full of gypsys.
One word that can be used to describe Joe Flacco: Consistant.
Cincinnati 20 Carolina 7
Who goes over the deep end first: TO, Chad, or Steve Smith?
Pittsburgh 38 Tampa Bay 13
3-0. Ok I'll be the first one to admit that I never in a million years thought that the Steelers would start 3-0 without Ben. As I stated on this site before I would have been completely happy with a 2-2 start, but with the way the Ravens have been playing 4-0 is not out of the realm of possibilities. What can you say about Chuck Batch? After 3 years of preparation he comes out and immediately shits the bed. Interception on the first drive. The hopes of all of Steeler Nation immediately depleted, with all eyes scanning the sidelines for glimpses of Byron Leftwich. Speaking of Leftwich, has any man ever looked so much like a teddy bear. Just saying.
To keep it short, Batch impressed beyond imagination. The running game was tough, Mendenhall even performed a spin move that benefitted the play. With all of Chuck's aerial exploits, I have to say the most impressive thing he did all day was that 23-yard scramble. I was nervous the whole time. I kept picturing the tin man from the Wizard of Oz rusting up and just collapsing, but he kept running and didn't even slide. Congrats Chuck.
Tennessee 29 Giants 10
The Giants stink, Coughlan is done for. Maybe Eli will throw his helmet in the stands so he won't have to play for this franchise anymore.
Chris Johnson found his groove again, I appreciate it after him tanking Week 2 for me in fantasy.
Atlanta 27 New Orleans 24
If the scores were switched around, there wouldn't be anything to talk about. The Saints are notorious for winning these close games. This time, Garrett Hartley, who has been terrible this season, missed the game winner. He pretty much has been awarded the Max Talbot year-of-immunity award. After playoff heroics, it would be hard to dump a player that has become heroic lore.
New England 38 Buffalo 30
Let's start by saying that if Buffalo can score 30 points on a team, then their defense is a liability. I don't care how nice Brady's hair ripples in the wind, or how many one-handed grabs Moss can make, their defense is brutal. The Bills scored 30 points. Their QB is Ryan Fitzpatrick. That sounds like some guy who should only be in Boston to perform an acoustic set at a St. Patty's day celebration.
Aaron Hernandez looks to be the tattooed version of a young Dallas Clark.
Do you think BenJarvis Green-Ellis' mom just bought those refrigerator magnets with all the words on them, shuffled them up, grabbed 4, and made a name? Possible I guess.
Minnesota 24 Detroit 10
Favre would be better suited throwing to those "country boy" models he throws to in those Wrangler commercials. Seriously if there is any setback in Sidney Rice's return, we could see a Ziggy Palffey mid season retirement for Favre.
Peterson is a beast.
If Jahvid Best is out, and Stafford is out, then defenses will put 5 guys on Calvin Johnson and my fantasy team will suck again.
Kansas City 31 San Francisco 10
Too much hype for a team with Alex Smith as the QB and Vernon Davis as the mature leader.
KC, I guess, is kinda good. I still don't think they will be a playoff team. Cassell is bad, and for some reason Thomas Jones is getting extremely too many carries, but in a year or two, they can be pretty good.
With Eric Berry on D and McCluster, Arenas, and Charles zipping around on offense, they will be an exciting young team all season long.
I wonder what the after-game spread looks like with Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis getting cracks at the buffet.
Philadelphia 28 Jacksonville 3
For all the reasons I hate Philadelphia fans, they do have something to actually cheer about. Who would have thought that getting rid of McNabb would have actually opened the door for Vick to become a relevant QB again. The guy still has the legs, and while in prison he must have met up with Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, and Burt Reynolds and actually developed a throwing touch.
The guy can throw it a mile. Don't believe me. Here's some footage.
With a cannon like that and arguably the fastest receiver and biggest deep play threat in the league, Ron Mexico and DeSean Jackson will be filling highlight reels all season long.
Next up: McNabb's return to Philly. Wonder how classy Eagles' fans are going to be?
St. Louis 30 Washington 16
Sam Bradford is going to be a legit QB in this league. In the 3 weeks he has been started, the Rams have actually competed for 60 minutes. They have 0 wide receivers, their star back left with another injury, and their D reveals more holes than a weekend with Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton in Vegas, but they still beat a team with a good coach, $100 million defensive tackle, and Donovan McNabb at QB. All-in-all pretty impressive.
Seattle 27 San Diego 20
See ya later Norv.
Arizona 24 Oakland 23
Well atleast Larry Fitz found the endzone. I guess that is a positive.
Indianapolis 27 Denver 13
Keeping with the white guy in the NFL theme. I'm stunned by Indy's stable of white receivers: Austin Collie, Anthony Gonzalez, Blair Witch, and Dallas Clark. I guess they are trying to challege the Pacers for white supremacy (that's a pun) in the city.
Kyle Orton isn't too bad. Other than him having the antithesis of Brady's hair, he isn't all that bad of a QB. With little weapons to work with, he still threw for 476 yards. That is 99 yards more than Derek Anderson and Bruce Gradkowski threw combined.
Chicago 20 Green Bay 17
So Chitown is the only undefeated team in the NFC. Who would have thought that. I guess the Mike Martz/Jay Cutler marriage is working out so far. Chicago does rely on the big play too much, but it is nice to see that Forte is becoming useful again as a pass catcher out of the backfield. The D looks solid again, and Devin Hester was able to return his first kick in 2 years. I still thing Green Bay will win this division, but does anyone really want to go to Soldier Field in January?
As for the Pack, they totally shot themselves in the foot today. 17 penalties. That is ridiculous, that is something expected out of the Raiders or Ravens. A big James Jones fumble was the demise of the team.
The Packers need to find a running back, Jackson and Kuhn aren't going to do enough to take the pressure off of Aaron Rodgers. The guy gets sacked enough as it is, but if defenses know he will be throwing every down, they can pin their ears back and smack him around. He is one guy that they can't afford to get hurt.
Think if San Fran would have taken Rodgers #1 instead of Smith.
JerMichael Finley is out of this world.
How is it possible that the Pack have only had 2 starting QBs in 18 years. That is completely mind blowing. In a league where injury is so common place having only 2 QBs in that length of time is insane. It's like trying to believe that Charlie Weis only does 1 rotation through the after game buffet.
Jets 31 Miami 23
Brandon Marshall finally had his breakout week. Granted Revis was hurt, and Cromartie just found out he had fathered another child in 2007, but he did have a breakout week.
I love how everyone was applauding the 3 stooges of New York for their disiplinary action of Braylon Edwards. They sat him out 1 quarter. Let's recap: he got a DUI this past week. He was in the car driven by Donte Stallworth when it struck and killed a man. He was arrested in Cleveland for punching a man in his face. Yep, 1 quarter seems sufficient.
So I guess in the NFL all it takes it to get a crime forgiven is to shave off a grotesque beard, or in the case of Ben cut off your long pervert hair. Basically if you have to clean up your image you have to get rid of excess hair. Hopefully that isn't the policy in the NBA or Charlie Villanueva could really be in trouble if he ever gets asked to clean up his image.
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