You're Wack

Last night was an exciting night for MTV's Real World/Road Rules challenge. Being that it was a "To Be Continued" episode, the anticipation was almost as high as T.J. Lavin after a night with Snoop Dogg, Woody Harrelson, and Ricky Williams.

In the previous episode, Evelyn and Luke were pitted against Landon and Carley in the first night exile of Fresh Meat II. The challenge was to carry 150 lbs of weight in water pails attatched to yoke-like poles.



To make the task harder, they must climb up a mountain in the cold British Colombia night while solving 3 puzzles.



Last nights show began with Ev and Luke choosing not to complete the final puzzle and basically being punished with a 5-minute penalty. Landon, who may be the best competitor in challenge history (more on that later), and his partner Carley, who was exhausted as you would expect Prince Fielder, the world's fattest vegetarian, to be after a 100-foot walk in between salad bars, did finish their puzzle and crossed the finish line within 5 minutes of Ev and Luke to claim victory.

Ev deciding not to finish the puzzle was the worst blunder of last night. Narrowly edging Jim Joyce's screw job of Armando Galarraga's perfect game, and the reasoning behind playing Daniel Carcillo in the NHL finals.



After losing the exile, Evelyn was in rare form. We expect her normal crazy lesbian behavior, but after losing she started skipping rocks into an imaginary lake and crying like she just watched the end of Marley & Me, and no i don't mean because of Owen Wilson's performance.

Well after her epic meltdown, hipster dufus rastaman Luke tried to calm her down and explain that she should be happy that their team got so far. Evelyn was beyond counsel and started blaming the loss solely on Luke.

I was lucky enough to obtain the actual transcript of the conversation between Evelyn, Luke and T.J..

LUKE: Hey man, no worries, be happy.











EV: Are you kidding me. If it wasn't for you I would have won this competition.











LUKE: Relax bro, you're killing my buzz.











EV: Look at me in this visor, I mean business.








LUKE: I could use some Funyuns and Cooler Ranch Doritos.










T.J.: No worries homes, I have all that plus a DQ ice cream cake back in my hotel room.











LUKE: I love ice cream cake, those little chocolate cruches in the middle...











T.J.: No doubt, how do you think they came up with the idea of ice cream cake.









LUKE: Dude, you just blew my mind. It's like how did those kids know what a snausberry tasted like.









T.J.: It's not even a fruit.










EV: SHUT UP!!! You two are complete jackasses. Who cares about ice cream cake. I just lost the elimination challenge thanks to this clown and all you can talk about is cake. I would have won this challenge if I was by myself. Did you see how fast I was running on the front porch? Did you see how far I can skip a rock? That's right, I am the best.







T.J.: Dissing ice cream cake, now that's WACK!











So after the Ev meltdown, the rest of the episode was somewhat subdued. In the house it was basically decided that Jenn/Noor or Ryan/Theresa would face Landon/Carley in the next exile.

Where do we rank Landon on the all-time challenge list. He has to be Top-5. He would be Top-3 but he hasn't won a final challenge. Alton would have to be in the first spot he was unbeatable. The next slots are up for debate.

Landon constantly exhibits athletic prowess that few in the challenge can demonstrate. He also is the most moral challenger in history, and the best motivator since Richard Simmons, who else could have calmly urged Carley to finish.



Although it wasn't as funny as when C.T. used the motivational tactic of threatening to drown Eric in a previous challenge.

After Real World: Philadelphia, who would have imagined that Landon was the best athlete in the house. M.J. played Division I football.

Before the reward challenge, T.J. throws the group a Barry Zito circa Oakland A's curveball saying that the two teams with the slowest times through the obstacle course will be competing in the next exile.

The obstacle course 9 stations that tested the challengers grit and will.

1. 800-yard sprint - pretty basic, but daunting start to the course. Do you run hard, get a better starting time, but use more energy?

Or

Do you run at a moderate, controlled pace, save energy but waste precious seconds?

Existential questions like this keep me watching.

2. Tree climb - each partner was hooked to a bungee and required to scale a tree. Looked relatively easy. The tree was just a trunk, T.J. and Luke tried smoking all the leaves.

3. The next event was sort of bridge you had to cross by spreading your body across the gap. Who knows?

4. Net crawl - the standard crawl in the mud underneath a net.

5. Spider Web - MTV called up The Rick and asked if he had any obstacles from GUTS. Unfortunately there was an unforseen snow storm and rock slide on the AgroCrag and was deemed too dangerous.

Let's go to Mo!



How awesome would that to be one of those kids who won on GUTS and got a piece of the Crag.

Do you mount it on your mantle?

I say yes. Other than a gold medal from the olympics, what would be the second most recognizable symbol of global athletic domination?

A glowing piece of the AgroCrag would be the correct answer.



6. The challengers had to traverse a swinging ladder by crawling on their stomachs.

7. Log stack - they had to move heavy stumps from point A to point B.

8. Oh Yeah!!!



Charlie Weis would be proud of the competitors as they had to burst through double panel drywall.

9. Finally the challengers had to finish the course by running through the mud while a competitor tried to impede their progress.

Jenn and Theresa got into a tangle.



Kenny said it best, "Two hot Puerto Ricans wrestling in the mud."


Jenn eventually got through, but if this was a few challenges ago when she was quasi-lesbian, she would have laid down, pulled a blanket over their heads and made the moaning noise of a dying dairy cow.

In the end Kenny and Laurel finished first, followed by Landon and Carley and Pete and Jillian.

All three teams were guarenteed a spot in the final challenge.

Ryan and Theresa had to square off against Jenn and Noor in an exile that immediately followed.

To Be Continued.....