Jobs for Bums

How is one of the biggest sports stories of the week the Cavs trying to find work for a bum that has a "golden" voice. Isn't the NFL playoffs and NCAA National Championship game coming up? Doesn't Brett Favre still own a camera phone? Didn't Terrelle Pryor just get another Bowl ring? How about Vince Young being the next Washington Redskin QB (seems like a gimme for Dan Snyder)?




So my only guess as to how this could make sense for the Cavs management is that this guy eats from the trash, and the product the franchise puts on the court is trash, so theres a connection.

Hey fans, LeBron will take his talents to a fun, warm, and youthful city, where he can enjoy being a twenty-something millionaire surrounded by tan, beautiful women, but to make up for it we are going to pick up a bum to announce the games. Don't worry he knows how to use YouTube and he has a Golden Voice. After the game he will wash your windshield for a quarter.

So Ted Williams, this one still has a head, is going to gain employment from a professional sports franchise just because he posted a YouTube video.

Seems about right for Dan Gilbert.

So lets take a look at other sports jobs that could be made available to bums.

1. Defensive Tackle for the Pittsburgh Steelers.




2. They are pretty good at making signs so they could make signs for the WWF.




3. #5 starter for the Pittsburgh Pirates. Whoever they put in that rotation spot will be a bum so why not use a real one.

4. Caddy for a wannabe hockey player on the PGA tour.




5. A stand-in for Scott Hartnell at an awards ceremony. Nevermind Hartnell would never have a chance to be honored at anything besides of the Ginger of the Year award.




6. Bums could finish off the floaters after a Championship celebration.

7. They could create a blog and rant about sports, pop culture and homeless people.

8. Collect change outside of the Prudential Center in New Jersey so the Devils can afford to pay for a whole roster.



9. Compare smiles with Alex Ovechkin.




10. Join the fanbase for any Detroit or New Orleans franchise. Are they not all homeless already?

11. Buy weed for Tim Lincecum.

12. Donate hair to cover Tom Brady's bald spot.

13. Remove the shit from Lou Holtz and Shannon Sharpe's mouths' so we can understand what they are saying.

14. Stick a needle in Roger Clemens' ass.

15. Build a roof out of cardboard so the Vikings can play in the Metrodome next season.